People come up to me all the time and ask me, “Sim, how do I smell like my grandmother?”
Clean your house with Swiffer products. I have written extensively on this, so nothing further needs to be said.
Bathe twice a day and use Johnson’s Lavender and Chamomile Baby Powder, available at fine stores everywhere.
http://www.johnsonsbaby.com/powder/johnsons-baby-powder-calming-lavender-and-chamomile
Use Glade Automatic Spray devices and refills, preferably the Lavender & Peach Blossom combination.
http://www.glade.com/en/products/sprays/automatic-spray
Wash your clothes frequently and use Downy fabric softener.
Keep cookies baking in the oven all the time. Anything from Pillsbury should be fine, but chocolate chip is always a safe bet.
For a bonus effect, lie on a flat surface and temporarily affix freshly baked Pillsbury cookies to your clothes.
If you follow these tips, you will smell like an authentic grandma. No need for potpourri or other scents. True grandmas don’t smell like gift stores. They smell authentic.
Oh also: brush your teeth after every meal.
I’m going to print this out and include it in Izzy’s homeschooling curriculum this month.
“Lie on a flat surface and temporarily affix freshly baked cookies to your clothes” feels like it ought to be illustrated.
I couldn’t find a picture for that. I may do a Paint drawing.
I forgot to add:
Stop smoking cigarettes.
Get rid of your cats.
You forgot the bit about placing mothballs in the front closet.
Yes yes, thx. Also scented trash bags.